Who am I now that I have graduated?

So… That time of year has come- years worth of effort and you walk out of that cold white walled room with uncomfortable seats and horrible overhead lighting and you are done.

Just done.

Weeks worth of procrastination, panic studying, and scheduled 5 minutes worth of sobbing before you force yourself to stare back at your screen or book before highlighting half of the page, and now all of that wisdom and information that you have applied is just sitting there in your noggin.

Whilst there is definitely a sense of relief there also appears to be this overarching tendency to feel absolutely lost, panicked, and like your sense of identity has just been snatched away from you and all that is left to do is think...

Who am I now?

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When you find yourself in this predicament consider some tips for navigating life after school:

1. Validate the internal panic: Take a moment to recognize that this is a transitional period, one that typically feels dreadful. Repeat after me: “This feels really scary, and this feeling will also pass”.

2. Embrace uncertainty: I know how easy this is to be said rather than done but it’s okay that at the moment, life sort of feels like limbo. It does not mean that you are behind compared to your peers or that the years worth of effort has amounted to nothing if you do not have all the answers right away.

Commonly the above thought can bog you down further. And the added time pressure of thinking ‘Get it together already! It’s been X weeks since finishing!’ can make it even worse.

Building your strengths towards existing in a grey area of life path comes with adaptability and hopefully openness to discover what you are actually interested in.

3. Practice mindfulness and journaling: Being present and aware of your thoughts and feelings can help you understand yourself better. Keeping track of this, consider jotting down things you care about (like activities, traits, values) and overlap with what you believe you are good at as this may act as the ‘North Star’ that could guide you to the next organic step now that you have finalized this milestone.

4. Try different things: Experiment with your hobbies, friendship circles, and what you are doing in your day. Variety can help you discover new aspects of your identity as well as act as a fantastic short-term distraction. Perhaps taking a holiday to get a fresh view on how many people live differently.

5. Network: Look… People always told me to do this and I could not think of anything worse. So if socializing seems like a chore then consider alternatives like joining LinkedIn and connecting online. Or going to tours/ career days with friends to make it a light-hearted event rather than a Formal Networking day where you feel pressure to wear a suit.

At the end of the day, those in your area of interest are just other humans and possibly have really helpful insight and advice.

6. Take care of your mental health: Questioning your identity and purpose is without question stressful, so slow down and make sure to prioritize self-care and seek support by talking about how you are feeling with friends, family, or a therapist.

7. Patience: Understand that it’s a journey. Epiphanies and a well-rounded unshakable identity can’t be forced and will not come immediately, but with patience, you’ll find your way.

One of my favourite lyrics aligns with this sentiment, from a song called: Everybody’s Free To Wear Sunscreen by Baz Luhrmann:

“The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know, still don’t”

The song is old, it’s weird but it’s good to listen to when you are feeling stressed, as itbreaks it all down to the core message that absolutely no one truly knows the answer to all of their life problems or who ‘they are’ and that’s okay.

Identity comes with time and frankly seems to keep changing on us when we start to feel pretty understanding of it. Whilst we have ample guidance and research that may help us make firm decisions about the ‘best’ next step, at the end of the day living it is the only way that we get to work things out.

“You do not have to have answers before you can exhale”

Ms Aaliah Rigby

Registered Psychologist (Provisional)

Evolve Wellbeing