Life as a Provisional Psychologist...

‘Life is a journey, not a destination’.

Never has that quote resonated more than with a provisional psychologist.
It often feels like the world’s longest journey and for some of us it can be our life’s journey.

My journey started when I was 18. Freshly finished school and naively ‘ready to take on the world’, I decided to study psychological science so that I could be a psychologist and help people.

I think there was about a million other people that had the same thought process and goal as me because boy oh boy were those first year lectures full. I was hooked though, from my first Developmental, Social and Clinical Psychology (PSYC1030 for any UQ alumni reading) lecture.

I wanted to know everything there was to know. I must be honest, that eagerness wavered at times over the next few years and by honours year my mental health had taken a massive hit. I found myself incredibly anxious about my assessments and questioning my career direction. 

I had lost the passion for the field and honestly, just needed a break. "

That break lasted a short, six years.

I travelled and worked and travelled some more. Something was always lingering though, in the back of my brain. My temporary job had become permanent and I found myself one day, looking at the people around me and noticing that I did not want any of their jobs in the future.

That was my turning point, my break needed to end and I needed to return to my passions.

Given the extended nature of the break, I was feeling less than confident in myself and my abilities so re-applying for university and to do a Master’s was terrifying!

I ended up applying for a master’s in counselling which was amazing in giving me real-world practical skills that connected all that undergraduate theory to the actual job of a therapist. As much as I hated (and still hate) role plays, I was able to implement actual intervention and techniques in a session which helped me to develop some confidence in being able to work in that space.

I learn by doing so this was a crucial aspect for me. When I finished that course, I had made some amazing connections and felt more equipped to head out in to the ‘real world’ of counselling (again, maybe naively).

I struggled to find work which was hard. I went through a phase of questioning every step I had taken over the past two years. My mood dropped significantly, and my motivation was at an all time low.

And then I saw words in a SEEK job ad that I thought had been phased out – “Provisional Psychologist”.

It was the first time I was genuinely super excited about a potential role and was very proactive in seeking information and applying. My mood started to shift from there and only grew with gaining an interview and ultimately landing the role.

And then the nerves kicked in.

I remember the first time I walked into a waiting room, called a client’s name and they followed me into our session. It is such a visceral memory soaked with feelings of overwhelm and imposter syndrome.

My heart still races recollecting it. How can this person, who was clearly older and wiser than I, trust me to support them with their current challenges? I felt so underprepared, despite what felt like a hundred years of study I had completed. And it was exhausting.

Sitting, listening, and engaging with people who are going through distress can really take its toll.

The stress of the role did not stop with the client work though. Being provisional meant I needed to log my every minute, reflect on my experiences, explore ethical dilemmas, complete case reports, record sessions, learn how to administer assessments and study for an exam on every topic in psychology EVER. Each week I needed to have supervision to ensure my practice was up to standard and receive support in all that I needed to do. I felt like I was back at uni and still having to work fulltime.

I didn’t feel like I had any time to learn about anything, I just saw clients, wrote notes and completed internship documents. At first, it felt impossible and the pathway to registration seemed never-ending.

And then I felt like I started to thrive in the chaos.

I found my groove with the internship requirements that worked for me. I wrote lists and timelines and scheduled it like 4 semesters of university and that made each quarter seem bearable.

I set myself deadlines (and moved deadlines) for tasks to be completed and felt a reward when I achieved that. Don’t get me wrong, stress levels are still high and that exam on EVERYTHING is still looming, but I found a way to manage it productively. And here I am, in the last ‘semester’ of my internship able to reflect back on how far I have come, on how much I have learnt and on how much I still have to learn.

Indeed, it is the journey my friends and not the destination that matter.

Kind Regards,

Stephanie Stokes

Provisional Psychologist
Evolve Wellbeing